


Confront

by AuroraNova



Series: The Vadari Chronicles [5]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-05-01 17:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19182697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova
Summary: “I hate you a bit right now.”Julian and Garak navigate cooking, new friendships, and old wounds.





	Confront

**Author's Note:**

> By this point the guys are on a first-name basis when they speak, but Julian still thinks of Garak by last name. If I ever finish the scene with Sorvek which is chronologically between Closer and this story, that detail is mentioned.

Julian is pleasantly surprised to find hearing from Ezri doesn’t hurt as much as he’d expected.

It’s bittersweet, but four months have dulled the edges of his pain. He can focus more on the friendship they shared than their brief romance, now. The harder part is seeing her in Starfleet, on DS9, living the life he’d rather be. (Which may be a clue they weren’t going to last as a couple, though it’s impossible to say for certain.)

But Julian’s loss isn’t Ezri’s fault, and he’s unwilling to cut all ties to avoid reminders of the past. He’s not that miserable on Vadari VII. It isn’t DS9, but he’s making a life for himself nevertheless, and all told, his situation could be considerably worse. It has to be admitted that he’s developing relationships much faster here than he did on DS9, no doubt because he’s more mature and in the intervening years has put effort into his interpersonal skills.

It also has to be admitted, at least to himself, that he would be a lot further from contentment if Garak wasn’t around. He doesn’t think he’ll mention that to Ezri yet.  

“Hi, Julian,” she says in the message. Not a live call, probably to give Julian space to react privately first. Ezri is considerate like that. “I feel like it’s been long enough that I could send this. I know we didn’t work out like we wanted, but you were my friend first, and I’d hate to lose touch altogether. If that’s what you want, though, I’ll understand.”

He knows that means if he doesn’t reply, he’ll never hear from her again. He intends to record his own message, because he’d rather stay in touch. Maybe it will last forever, maybe contact will peter out as their lives move further apart, but for now he’d like to enjoy Ezri’s friendship, long-distance though it may be.

It’s not a lengthy video. She tells him some station news, including the publication of Jake’s first short story. Julian makes a note to find a copy. Kira slapped Quark with a large fine for an illegal betting pool on the kai election, and he’s torn between anger and respect. The new engineer wants to overhaul the turbolift system, and Ezri is all for it after being trapped in one for an hour.

Finally, she mentions she’s taking tentative steps toward a future in command, starting with long-distance Academy courses. Julian is able to be happy for her. Ezri fought hard for her peace and earned every moment of it.

Julian’s own peace may be a work in progress, but he’s gotten far enough to be glad Ezri reached out.

He’s made some interesting discoveries in his study of comparative mitochondrial replication after exposure to Breen radiation, and it’s likely to improve immediate post-exposure treatment in future cases, so he has something worthwhile to share in his reply. The research is still a work in progress, but it reminds him that he hasn’t lost everything.

Neither has he lost his friends. Ezri wants to keep in touch, and Miles has extended an open invitation to his guest room any time Julian wants. That won’t happen immediately. Julian still doesn’t want to be within transporter range of his father, who’s raging over Starfleet reneging on the deal and to whom Julian cannot explain the whole story, or really on Earth in general. He does plan to visit the O’Briens eventually.

Then there’s Garak, who enters their apartment with a handful of herbs. His garden plot is starting to produce, from the looks of it.

“Good evening,” he says. “I trust your morning crisis was resolved acceptably?”

Julian had to go in to the hospital two hours early that morning for an emergency appendectomy. Because Garak is possibly the galaxy’s lightest sleeper, he wakes up when Julian goes to the restroom, never mind gets a call from the hospital.

This is one of the reasons Julian could’ve had his own apartment, but Garak would rather have his sleep interrupted than deal with a random roommate, so he makes do.

“It did,” Julian confirms. “And I’m not on call tonight, so we should be able to sleep.”

Garak turns his attention to food. “What did you get at the stores?” he asks. It was Julian’s turn to get groceries today.

“I found honey.”

The local apiaries missed the worst of the Breen attack, but with the grave damage done to the orchards, the bees’ food source has taken a major hit. Honey is a treat at present, and Julian enjoys his tea (usually Earth green for lack of Tarkalean) much more when he can find some.

He’d never grocery shopped before he moved to Vadari VII. The closest he’d gotten was trailing along behind his mother when he was younger, nose in a padd more often than not. Once he went to the Academy, it was replicators for him, and he’s had to adjust to the planning required.

“I know you enjoy it, but we can’t make meals of honey,” says Garak.

“I got the mixed Ktarian greens you like, and liver for tonight. We still have squash.”

Garak frowns. “Is this your revenge for the beets?”

“Do you really think I’m that vindictive?” It hadn’t been Garak’s fault he didn’t know about Julian’s distaste for beets. The subject had never come up before. “What’s the problem, anyway?”

“Surely I’ve mentioned that Cardassians do not eat liver.”

“You know I’d remember if you had.”

Garak sighs. “I suppose you would.”

“What’s wrong with liver? It’s very nutritious.” Though Julian can’t say the texture is his favorite, he’ll eat it and be glad to have a decent meal. No one is starving, but no one has much by way of extra food, either. “It was also the only meat left, though I did get some bones for soup.”

He’s learning just how much time and effort goes into feeding oneself without a replicator, and has already vowed not to take replication for granted ever again. Half a dozen times now, and that’s only counting when he’s made the pledge out loud.

“Liver is considered unclean,” says Garak. “We’ll eat any other part of an animal, but that we haven’t consumed in historical memory.”

Julian wonders if this started with a real medical problem, like parasites, or was pure superstition. “What happens if your options are liver or starving to death?”

“In that unlikely scenario, we would eat liver, but never admit to it. I’ll make do without.”

“Sorry,” says Julian. “I had no idea. You can have two extra eggs, if you’d like.” He’ll eat liver again for breakfast. “Any other dietary preferences I ought to know about?”

“I’m not fond of live insects, but I haven’t encountered any being served here.”

“I hate cottage cheese,” Julian says. That doesn’t look to be a problem with Garak. Cardassian adults are not physiologically well suited to dairy, but it’s worth mentioning nevertheless.

“Duly noted. What is cottage cheese?”

Before Julian can explain, there’s a sharp rap on the door, which Garak goes to answer. “Ah, Ms. Whitsell, come in.”

“Thanks,” says Kara. “Lutro and I are having a trivia night this weekend, and you’re invited.”

She and her husband must enjoy hosting, considering how often they do it. Julian is more the type to suggest doing something elsewhere, though he should probably offer to have Kara and Lutro over sooner rather than later.

“I’ve never done trivia,” he says.

“Never?” Kara shakes her head. “You’re missing out.”

Julian wonders if he really is.

“Anyway, last time the other teams wiped the floor with mine in life sciences. I need your knowledge. Saturday at seven. Please tell me you’ll come save us from our ignorance of biology.”

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I refuse?”

“You’re welcome to come, too,” Kara tells Garak. It’s kind of her to include him.

“Thank you, but I doubt I’d be an asset in Federation trivia.”

“I don’t mind. Besides, Julian told me you two have spent years talking about books. You’ve probably read more classics than I have, and I promise Lutro won’t try to read you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

To Julian’s surprise, Garak nods. “Very well, but if I disappoint, consider yourself warned.”

“Fair enough,” says Kara. “Looks like you’re about to start dinner, so I’ll let you get to it. See you Saturday!”

“I’m surprise you accepted,” Julian says when it’s just the two of them. If nothing else, Kara is married to a telepath.

“It’s an ideal opportunity to increase my knowledge of our neighbors.”

“Only you would see trivia night as a reconnaissance opportunity.”

“I take what I can get,” says Garak. “Now, how did she know I have concerns about telepathy?”

“I may have mentioned it. For your own good!” he adds when Garak looks askance. “Her sister-in-law wants to ask you out on a date.”

“I’m perfectly capable of declining on my own.”

“I know that, I was just trying to spare you the awkwardness.”

“Humans are oddly invested in avoiding awkwardness. You needn’t worry about it on my account. I’d much prefer it to having a weakness generally known.”

“Fine. Next time I’ll let you deal with amorous Betazoids all on your own.”

Julian derives great satisfaction from the brief flicker of unease that passes across Garak’s face.

* * *

 

“See? I told you we needed your knowledge of biology,” says Kara, propping up her feet after the other guests have left. It’s just her, Lutro, Julian, and Garak now, and Garak has managed not to give the impression he’s worried about Lutro’s telepathy all evening. He’s a very good actor. It took Julian an hour to pick out a single, nearly imperceptible crack in his mask which no one else had any hope of catching.

“And you’re great with Shakespeare,” Kara tells Garak.

Julian can’t help but add, “Which is ironic considering how much he dislikes everything Shakespeare ever wrote.”

“It’s not my fault his characters are idiots.”

“I’ve always thought humans overrate his work,” says Lutro, and Garak looks at him with new appreciation.

Kara shrugs. “I don’t care one way or the other. Seriously, though, Julian, how is it you can keep track of all those medical details and books and not know the most famous holomodel in the Federation?”

“Oh, you really didn’t know her?” asks Garak.

Kara looks at him. “Wait. What do you mean really?”

Garak says nothing. He doesn’t need to. A moment later, Kara puts the pieces together. “Oh my God. You were doing it again, weren’t you, Julian? Holding yourself back, just differently this time.”

He glares at Garak. “I hate you a bit right now.”

“Ah, but you’ve learned the value of discretion, haven’t you? It’s not so pleasant to be the one whose personal motives are exposed.”

“You could’ve talked to me about it like a normal person.”

“It wouldn’t have been as effective.”

Lutro looks at them all with confusion. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know about Garak,” says Kara, “but Julian here wasn’t sharing everything he knew because he’s worried about offending people.”

“It’s a legitimate concern.” She does not look convinced, so Julian goes for full honesty. “Under normal circumstances, I remember everything. When I was thirteen I looked up pi to the fiftieth decimal point, would you like to hear that? I once had to recite Admiral Archer’s speech given at the founding of the Federation, and I can do it verbatim, including where he paused. Every book, report, or medical record I’ve ever read, everything I’ve been told or seen or heard. I remember it all, and no one wants that reminder of what I am.”

Kara isn’t uncomfortable. She’s sad, which is worse. “Do you really think so little of us?”

“Not of you personally, but I hear what some people say about me, and I don’t want to give them more reasons to fear me.” He knows acceptance is conditional on not being too obvious, particularly now that he was officially discharged from Starfleet as a risk. He’s learning to live with it because he has to.

The hospital staff hired him without worrying. The general population is another matter. Few people here think they’re better off without him, which is some relief. He is an excellent doctor, and Vadari VII needs more medical personnel, not less. But they still talk, and it’s bad enough being an object of curiosity. Julian can’t afford to give the doubters any ground. Too many eyes are watching him.

“I wish I had a memory that good,” says Lutro.

Julian doesn’t tell him he wouldn’t if he’d fought in a war, if he’d seen things he desperately wanted to let time blur the way it seemed to for other people, or if he’d acquired a stellar memory through illegal genetic resequencing. There’s no point.

“I appreciate that you aren’t bothered by me, Kara. Truly. But I can’t afford to act as though everyone feels the same way.” Shaken, Julian stands. “I think it might be best if I pass on future trivia nights.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” she says.

“I know. I do value your friendship, and I hope to continue enjoying it.”

“Of course.” She turns to Garak. “Whatever your issues are, knock off adding them to Julian’s burden. He’s dealing with enough.”

Garak just nods and heads for the door. Julian follows.

“I wasn’t done, Garak,” Kara says. “I don’t know what lack of discretion you think he’s shown, but he’s keeping your precious secrets. He hasn’t told me how old he thinks you are, what you did during the war, why you’re here, or even your first name. All he ever says is he doesn’t think you’d appreciate him sharing the answer to whatever entirely innocent question I’ve asked, so you should start appreciating the hell out of the way Julian respects your privacy.”

As nice as it is to have a friend willing to stand up for him, Julian would like to be transported away now.

Garak, on the other hand, smiles at her. “I think I’m going to like you, Ms. Whitsell. Have a pleasant night.”

Kara takes a minute to goggle at him, which is understandable. Then she rallies. “Julian, if you try to throw the game Tuesday, I’ll never let you hear the end of it.”

Tuesday is their standing racquetball day. He gives her the best smile he can muster. “I look forward to it.”

He and Garak walk upstairs to their apartment in silence. Julian is cross because Garak had no business telling Kara and Lutro what he was holding back, and at least Julian’s own indiscreet sharing of information was meant to be helpful. This was uncalled for. Garak started a whole scene for some petty revenge, damn him.

Inside their apartment, Garak actually looks contrite. “I believe I owe you an apology.”

This is new. Garak doesn’t do apologies, not as humans recognize them anyway. Partly this is a cultural matter – Cardassians don’t tend to verbalize any regrets or requests for forgiveness, as far as Julian has been able to learn – and the rest is simply who he is. It probably counts as an unacceptable weakness in his book.

“I’m listening,” says Julian.

Garak, now shifting his eyes with discomfort, takes a second to continue. When he speaks, it’s not at all what Julian expected. “I am referring to a particular conversation we had aboard the _Defiant_ , where I called you a Vulcan. And, further, to an ill-considered remark equating you to a computer.”

Confused, but incredibly curious why Garak is bringing this up now, Julian prompts, “I’m still listening.”

“Why must humans insist on such drawn-out, blunt apologies?”

“Because we generally need to hear them.”

Garak sits on the couch, a picture of discouragement. “Fine. If you must know, I now believe those comments may have fueled your present need to conceal your true abilities, which was not at all my intention.”

“What exactly was your intention?”

“To provoke an invigorating argument we might have enjoyed as a break from the tedium of fearing for our lives.”

“Really? You decided to draw upon my deepest fears because you were _bored_?” How even Garak could think that was a good plan, Julian can’t fathom.

“I wouldn’t put it that way. But it was not my best idea.”

“No. It wasn’t.” Julian sighs and sits down. “I thought I didn’t have to hide then because I was safe. Now, as far as everyone here knows, Starfleet decided I might be just a bit dangerous after all, if in precedent if nothing else. I have to take that into account.”

Garak hasn’t apologized for tonight, and somehow that’s almost fine. He’s shown rare repentance for two old slights which, yes, may have bothered Julian more than he let himself acknowledge, and that speaks volumes coming from a man who never sees the need to apologize for anything.

“If you want to conceal the full effect of your abilities, I won’t interfere again,” says Garak. “Though I will be insulted if you start with me. I’ve grown quite used to you quoting our reading perfectly, and I assure you, neither a Vulcan nor a computer would debate with such agreeable passion.”

“Sorvek isn’t any fun for that, I take it?”

“Sorvek and I converse about gardening. He’s dreadfully uninterested in literature.”

“I don’t even find math particularly fascinating,” Julian says, apropos of nothing. “It’s just something I can do, and sometimes I use it to distract myself.”

“I see. I believe I have a Betazoid cloud truffle left. Would you care to share it with me?”

That is a more typical Cardassian apology. Garak may not like Betazoid or human chocolate as much as Delavian, but when it’s all he can get he hoards both jealously.

“Yes, thank you,” Julian replies. Apology accepted.

Tuesday, Kara marvels that the night she lit into Garak for being an inconsiderate jerk was the night he decided he might like her, and Julian replies, “He’s always been an intriguing puzzle.”


End file.
